March 20, 2024

Ep #10: What Women in the Arts Need to Know

I’m recording this episode on International Woman’s Day 2024, and I’m taking this episode to talk about women in this industry. We have to navigate many factors that are unique to women, and while you may not agree with everything I have to say, this episode is packed with insight and value for every woman performer out there.

Are you getting in your own way? As women in the arts, we have a tendency to get in our heads about things, shy away, and let other people’s opinions stop us from getting out there and sharing our talents. If you’re a woman and you’re in this industry, I want you to show up for yourself, advocate for yourself, and know your value.

Tune in this week to discover how, as women, we can support each other in the arts. I’m sharing the women who inspire me every day, showing you how to start having an attitude of gratitude for the strong women in your circles, and you’ll learn how to stop discounting the value of your story as a performer and a woman.

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What You will discover:

  • How I see women holding themselves back in the entertainment industry.
  • Why showbusiness (like any business) isn’t personal, and it shouldn’t be taken personally.
  • What would change if we could increase our confidence as performers, one woman at a time.
  • The women that stand out and inspire me, and how to identify the women who inspire you.
  • Why shifting your focus to having gratitude for the women in your life helps you live more confidently.
  • How you might be unconsciously ignoring or discounting the significance of your story.
  • What you can do to louden your voice and start advocating for what you need.

Listen to the full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:


Welcome to The Confident Performer, the only podcast that guides ambitious, driven performers and entrepreneurs to show up authentically and confidently both on and off stage. If you are ready to make an impact in your life and community and start living your most amazing, empowered life, you are in the right place. You already have what it takes to make it, you just need to see it. And I’m here to show you how. You ready? Let’s go.

Hello beautiful performers, and welcome to episode 10 of The Confident Performer. Today we are going to talk about something that’s one of my favorite things to talk about, of course, because that’s my podcast and that’s what we do is we talk about my favorite things. I am recording this on International Women’s Day and I want to talk about women in the industry.

I want to talk about different levels of our relationship components in the industry, how we show up, how we present ourselves and sometimes the things that we do to hold us back, not only in the industry but truly hold ourselves back as a whole. And this may absolutely have some controversial bits. It may have something that you’re like, “Well, I do not agree with you, Amy Adams, not the one from Enchanted.” And you can absolutely send me an email.

And you can absolutely share your perspective with me because I want you to. You can go ahead and do that, anything you want question wise, opinion wise, you want to share that. I want to hear it. I want to have it. I want to talk about, one of my favorite things to do is empower and collaborate with other artists, but most especially women. And I love doing that just for the sake of getting out there, getting the work done, taking care of business in a number of ways. I’m going to share some insight.

Sometimes I have noticed more often than not with women, we have a tendency to get in our own way. We have a tendency to get in our head about things and we like to make things mean certain things when, if we didn’t get caught on that or we didn’t get stuck up in our head about something, then we can just take care of business. And I have practiced in my life and in my career, really getting to the point of where I sit at the table. And I sit down and I’m doing business, working with other people and I think to myself, I am not going to make any of this personal to me.

All that I am doing here is sitting here at the table getting ready to solve the problems that need to be solved. That’s what I care about doing. So in this realm, because I am an entrepreneur, because I am a performer who creates my own whole life. I decide how that’s supposed to look and how I want it to feel and how I want my life to feel every single day when I show up.

Now, I am going to share this information, absolutely 100% my opinion, most of the stuff is other than if I am quoting people, but this one I want to talk about. I got some information from a book I read a long time ago. But one of the things that really kind of stood out about that book, the book Lean In. It’s by Sheryl Sandberg. At the time she wrote the book, she was the COO of Facebook, and she still may be for heaven’s sakes, who knows.

But when I referenced that sit at the table, that’s something that she talked about. She actually ended up doing a TED Talk about that, but she was referencing that she had kind of invited individuals in to kind of have this collaborative work meeting and that a number of the women opted to sit back. So there were seats at the table, but they opted to take seats that were kind of off toward the back, off on the side. And she referenced that it seemed like they were spectators rather than participants.

And any of these things, if you take away anything today, I want you to take away, if you are a woman and you are in this industry and you’re in business, I want you to sit at the table. I want you to show up for yourself. I want you to advocate for why you are there. I want you to know the value of your story and know the value of your presence in the room that you’re in. Now, don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you have to start telling your story just because you’re sitting at the table. The work that’s there to be done, focus on the work.

But when you are sitting at the table and you are taking up space, you’re not having to prove anything to anyone. When I reference that, we matter because we are matter, I absolutely believe that 100%. I believe that if we could one woman at a time, increase our self-concept, increase and grow our self-confidence, we would be a happier race altogether. Altogether, the human race would absolutely benefit from beautiful, confident, competent women showing up, getting ready to do the work, whatever we’re called to do, whatever is required of us at the time.

Now, when I think about this, I cannot tell you, I think of so many names and individuals that I work with that I love and admire so much. And I do this as a practice actually. I actually wake up and I meditate for a little bit and I kind of focus on the day and I focus on the things that I want to achieve that day. I have this plan tomorrow today type thing from my coach that I do. So I have the day relatively planned out, plus I have a full-time assistant who is my right hand person and has my entire day also planned out, so that does help too.

And I have my favorite phrase in the world to say, people always say, “Oh, must be nice to have an assistant, must be so nice.” You know what? It is, it absolutely is, all it takes is money. So I want you to think, if you want that you can have that. And she is one of the first people that pops into my mind when I think of my gratitude. And so in my meditations, I’m in this kind of gratitude space as well. So I think of the day, plan the day and then I’m grateful.

And in that pocket of gratefulness, that pocket of gratitude, attitude of gratitude, and I try to operate in that realm that day. And that usually kind of closes down my meditation moments. And I think of all the people I’m grateful for. Kelly, Kelly McCarthy, she’s my assistant. And man, she is my right hand, she is my left hand, my front hands, all of it. She is my partner. And I had a wonderful, wonderful assistant that actually was moving and then ended up interviewing her and saying, “This person is going to be great for the job.” Her name was Sandra Bryant and she was just a phenomenal little lady.

And she actually still works with me. We work in a number of different realms together. And we actually do promotional jobs and things for other companies together, so super fun. But I love thinking of the women that stand out that support me, that inspire me. So I encourage you, pop into that space of gratitude. Think about the women in your life that inspire you. Think about the things that they do.

I’ve got to tell you, I have a friend who runs an organization here, her name is Lauren Skidmore. And she actually runs what’s called the Open Door Network. And it really helps women and children going through transitions and homelessness and people who have suffered violence. She’s a strong firm advocate for stopping human trafficking. And it is unbelievable to watch her work, unbelievable to watch her in the community, watch her beautiful brain. She has this beautiful, calm, kind of stoic way about her, which I love. And she’s just wonderful, just a wonderful lady.

Now, in the arts industry that I work with, there are so many people I could name from one of the number one that I work with is Andrea Hanson, their team, Marcy Hurones, Whitney Pasquale. They do a lot of the artwork in the community that really advocate for people, individuals in the arts and opportunities for artists, just wonderful platform of women. I get into this space of gratitude. I’ll tell you, I cannot stop. It will come like a flood of, I’m grateful for all of these different people. I want you to try that.

I want you to try and see what that does for your brain, for your body, for your attitude. Because when you shift that focus on the people in your life and you shift to their excellence and you focus on their excellence and their positive contribution in your life, you stay in positive exchanges with them. And that’s the best place to be. That is the best place to be. I also live operationally by the four agreements as well. So being impeccable with my word and then practicing. I practice a lot on not taking things personally.

That absolutely is one that needs to get a buffer every now and again, especially if I get really, really tired into the day. And then really kind of thinking about showing up and doing my best every single day and to never assume. I love that angle as in life, never assume that somebody is saying negative things about you or never assume that they’re negatively focused on you. You can positively focus on those things, I think, do that all day long. But in order to do this in the industry and support one another collaboratively, that is the best way to do that.

My other person I’m so grateful for is Karen Goh. She is our mayor in this community. She’s also the CEO of Garden Pathways, the organization I’m partnered with to mentor all of these beautiful children through the arts. And just amazing supporters of our community all together. Now, when you’re in the industry, I want you to think about knowing your type, knowing your story. As a woman in the industry sometimes our brain can automatically shift to, well, I’m not Megan Fox or I’m not Sofia Vergara.

And you think about all these women who are headliners, front runners and if you think that type wise, that’s your type and you compare yourself to that. But in truth you’re a comedic actress, not your type, focus on your type. And the more you focus on your story, I love to look at your life and write in your own way, and that’s W-R-I-T-E, write your own way. And we’ve heard that phrase as a cliché but I say it and I mean it every single day. I make up my own rules. I do it all the time. I love it so much.

And I really encourage you to do the same, never compare yourself to others, never. Decide where you are in your story and decide to show up and do your best. Decide to be impeccable with your word. Decide to not take things personally. Decide to never ever assume anything negative about the work that you’re doing. Keep yourself in that space of positivity, that space of gratitude so that when you’re in the industry and you’re running into these people that you work with, it’s all good. All the feelings, all the vibrations end up being very high vibrations.

Now, when you are sitting at the table, I want you to think about your personal story and to advocate for your needs. So if there is something that you ever feel like I need to feel a little heard on this. It is your job to advocate for what you need. I really encourage you to not lose your voice, especially when you’re beating the drum that you need someone to pay attention to. I really want you to know what you have to say in your mind and not have to be cheeky and not have to be competitive and not have to be a bad attitude bear, any of that kind of stuff.

And I really want you to think about the energy that you’re bringing into the room with you. That’s what makes you memorable. I teach these tips and tricks for my artists to be memorable in the room, especially when creative and casting is meeting so many in a day. And most of the time, what I teach is the attitude of gratitude and kindness, just general exchanges of kindness that are not well practiced and are not, sadly, not typical. So I want you to practice those things, pop into that space.

So I realize this episode just kind of ended up sounding like a crazy shout out. Definitely if you work with me and I didn’t say your name, I have you in my heart and in my head at some point, I promise you. So when I say women write your own way. That welcomes that celebration and collaborative creation. So I think the way to create is to collaborate, 100%. I think that every single day. I always think of, okay, who can I partner with to help me solve this problem? Who can I reach out to, to expand or expound or build and grow something in the way that my mind can’t even see?

And I love to think of those people that stand out. Now, I want to talk about this. I know that not a lot of people are in that same vibration. If you know that you are not in that same vibration, I want you to borrow my belief and borrow my practice for a week and see how it changes your life. If it doesn’t, keep doing what you’re doing.

One of my favorite things that just happened was Brooke Castillo, she says, “If it doesn’t work,” and you say the words, “I tried.” That’s past tense. Keep trying and try harder. That is my favorite thing to think, any time something’s not working for you. So borrow my belief, borrow my practices, keep trying and try harder. That is what I want to see because those are the things that bring you success. And I tell you this because my clients, I referenced last week, the story of Brooke.

Now, the pep talk I gave Brooke was last week for her performance, for her, and obviously it wasn’t academic performance, but it was competitive and it was definitely pressurized. And she is one of my most amazing performers. And I’ve got to tell you, Brooke, took first and there’s that feeling inside of me that I knew that she would. But then it’s one of those things that when you have that validation of this is the work, this is the practice, this is the stuff we implemented in the practice and these are the results. That is what we do. We create those massive action steps and that plan for the success.

I want you to try these things, love the women in your life, look at them, honor them, think about how they are showing up. If you look at them and you see that they are tired, hug them. Ask them how they are. When, my man actually sweetly did a post today and I really loved it, did a post today and kind of talked about how he loves watching me kind of juggle and do all the things. And we make the joke that I’ve been literally running around all day. And a comedian has said that and we just kind of imagined that being our life because it feels like that sometimes.

And it’s very fun to live with a partner who pushes you and encourages you and really seeks to match you and consistently level up and really kind of bring and embrace the growth all together in your lives. And he wrote this sweet little post about how much he loves watching me do that and succeed and work with my people that I work with and see their success as well. So I want you to actively get into that space of celebration of yourself with a partner that actively pushes you to increase and raise your vibrations.

But I really want you for yourself to know how to show up and sit at the table. The seats are for us. When you go and you show up, be kind, be all the things you wish to see, be loving, be peace, all of it, anything you wish to see in this world be. It is the most important way to live. So I hope this episode hits you in a way that the celebration of my people hit me. It is one of those things that I’m truly grateful for. All of my people, please send me your questions, send me your inquiries. Send me problems I can solve for you.

Think about asking me the things that you want to know, insights, industry things that I’m always curious about this, or worried about this. We’re going to have some people coming up in the future. And actually my man is going to be my first guest and that will be very shortly because we’re getting ready to head out to Grenada. And we do adventures every single year around spring break. And so we’ll go to Bonaire and to Fiji and Honduras and this year’s Grenada.

And so anyway, we just love doing our adventures, and we’re going to share parts of our journey and share parts of our life and kind of pushing each other and raising our vibrations. And really increasing the ability that we are more confident in our performance, in our life and inspiring others to be the same. Thank you so much. Be well.

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Thank you for listening to today’s episode of The Confident Performer. If you want to learn more about living your truth and showing up as your most authentic, beautiful self, visit See you next week!

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