May 1, 2024

Ep #15: Habits, Dedication, and Achieving Your Goals With Ted King

Your habits really do matter. Your habits have the power to take you from where you currently are, to where you want to be. So, how do you change the habits that are stopping you from becoming the performer you want to be and replace them with more useful habits that move you forward? That’s what this episode is all about, and I get to introduce you to someone very special.

Today, I’m joined on the podcast by my man, Ted King. He’s a full-time police officer and has been for almost 20 years, he’s a former military man, and Ted’s a great example of how we can build habits that create a pathway toward the goals you want to pursue.

Tune in this week for some valuable lessons in building the habits that allow you to become the best possible version of yourself. Ted and I explore the powerful mental and emotional tools that help you show up every day in pursuit of what you really want to create, we discuss how routine and habits can help you take your life where you want it to go, and we find a ton of parallels between our different worlds of performance and law enforcement.

If you enjoyed today's show and don't want to worry about missing an episode, be sure to follow the show wherever you get your podcasts. Click here for step-by-step instructions to leave a rating and review, and don't forget to share with other people who might benefit!

What You will discover:

  • How your habits help you become the version of you that you truly want to be.
  • What inspires Ted to show up with discipline and confidence.
  • Ted’s advice for getting out of mind clutter around your habits.
  • The opportunities you have to shift your perspective around the emotions you experience.
  • Why, if you control your behavior, your emotions will follow.
  • How Ted overcame his extreme dislike of public speaking.
  • The habits that will help you show up and fuel your amazing life.

Listen to the full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:


Welcome to The Confident Performer, the only podcast that guides ambitious, driven performers and entrepreneurs to show up authentically and confidently both on and off stage. If you are ready to make an impact in your life and community and start living your most amazing, empowered life, you are in the right place. You already have what it takes to make it, you just need to see it. And I’m here to show you how. You ready? Let’s go.

Hello confident performers, and welcome back to the show, episode 15 of The Confident Performer. This one today is all about habits. And I’ve got to tell you, one of my most kind of inspiring, beautiful humans I get to watch very closely and look at every single day, that’s always inspiring to be, is my man. And I have mentioned before I was going to bring him on when it’s absolutely relevant. And yeah, so Ted King, he’s joining us today. Go ahead, say hello, Ted King.

Ted: Hello, Ted King.

Amy: What a turd. Okay, but honestly today we’ll share a lot about his habits, his focus, some of our recommendations on things to take where you currently are to get to where you want to be. And how to change some of those challenging things that are stopping you from becoming the best version of yourself one day or one action at a time. So alright, well, you can talk. I can tell that you’re ready to go here. And you have all the energy and tidbits to give to all the people, but first and foremost just talk a little bit about who you are, what you do, all your bits.

Ted: Well, thank you. I’m a lot more introverted than you are. I’m not a public personality or anything like that, but my name is Ted, Ted king. And I am a full-time police officer. And have been doing that for the last 20 years. And prior to that, the previous five years to that I was in the military. And prior to that I was in junior college and then high school. And yeah, so that about sums it up. I mean, there’s a lot that’s gone into that. And I think that we’re going to talk about that a little bit.

But yeah, when it comes to building habits and building a pathway toward a goal. That’s something that I’ve got a little bit of experience in, as do a lot of people, but my current position, I command our training division at our local police department. And so building pathways toward goals is really something that we’ve had to make kind of systematic to where it’s repeatable. And where we’re able to measure it and define objectives and reach those objectives. And build metrics around it and all that fun stuff. So with all that, I have a little bit to weigh in on.

Amy: Yeah, to shed some light on that. Yeah, your bio actually on the website is very good. Captain King grew up in Bakersfield, graduating from North High, which is great, attending Bakersfield College. You did reference the army, which was great, first armor division there and later in European command. After two deployments to the Middle East, returning back to Bakersfield, that’s when you started with the police department in 2005. You worked your way through multiple assignments, including patrol, special enforcement unit and SWAT.

So before you were promoted to detective you were assigned to a robbery homicide detail, You were a sergeant in 2015. took assignments in patrol, special enforcement units and violent criminal apprehension team. And we’ll talk a little bit about that later. And then the robbery homicide detail. I know you won’t say all of the words that they say on here. So I was going to say a little bit more just so people can kind of get a basic overall idea of just how intense it kind of goes. You were promoted as a lieutenant in 2020 as a watch commander on patrol before moving to the position, special operations group.

Captain King, promoted to his current rank in 2022 and was selected to command the field services division. Captain King possesses a bachelor’s degree in business and a master’s degree in emergency management. It references that you’re a graduate of the California Association of Tactical Officer Strategic Leadership Program and Leadership Bakersfield class of 2022. It says here you enjoy getting out in our community and activities such as hiking, scuba diving, hockey and fishing with friends. And I don’t know, I don’t know why the sentence didn’t go on and say hanging out with your lady all day, every day.

Ted: I put that on there and they cut it. I don’t know why.

Amy: Sorry, too long, too long. Sorry.

Ted: Yeah, they were like, no, we’re going to cut that at friends.

Amy: That’s enough of that. Okay, so I did want to give the listeners a bit more of the behind the scenes of why this person is coming in on the show other than the fact that he belongs to me. And no, but I think he’s just the most inspiring as far as really being dedicated. You will wake up, I mean, we’ve had long nights, long workdays, adventures and you will wake up at the same time every single day and hit the gym. And I mean, I’ve seen what the gym looks like in the morning. I think I’ve maybe smelled the air one time in the morning.

Ted: When you fell asleep there the night before.

Amy: How did I get here so fast? But yeah.

Ted: Yeah, the routine works for me, it really does. And I know that that’s mainly what we’re going to talk about today. But I find that having the routine is comfortable to me and it’s predictable. It’s repeatable. It’s all the things. And so having a routine gives me a straight line through my day, and I can deviate a little bit here and there, but it makes me feel best if I stick to my routine, not to a level of OCD. I mean I do like sleeping in. I don’t like getting up early every morning, but at the same time, work’s got to get done and so the sooner we get it done, the sooner we get to go do the things that are a little bit more fun to do.

Amy: So knowing that you, especially you're kind of overseeing a training division now. I talk a lot on this podcast about being prepared, being ready, really kind of training for the job that you want. And not necessarily just staying put in your skill level, but really up-leveling your skill level, increasing your strength, increasing your stamina. How important do you feel that actually is?

Ted: I’ve got to ask, in what capacity, physically or mentally?

Amy: Physically, mentally, and if you’ve ever listened to the podcast then this podcast is called …

Ted: What podcast? I’m kidding. I’ve listened to it. I’ve thumbs upped it.

Amy: Oh my gosh, yeah, don’t get jealous.

Ted: I gave it five stars.

Amy: You know what? You’re sleeping in the garage. No, but really, again it’s geared toward performers. But you know how I feel. I really feel in some way or another, we’re all performers and especially when we are operating at high levels. And especially when you think about it, when you have a SWAT call out and you are the SWAT commander. You’re the person in charge. You’re the one who says, “You go here, you do this, you do that.” That is some high intense kind of just overall all-encompassing mental capacity.

And I really feel like that takes crazy preparation, not only from your entire life and your past life and your skill set. But that’s the kind of high functioning level of talent or intensity that I’m talking about. How important do you think that is?

Ted: Yeah, I mean, that’s where we perform. And I’m not the SWAT commander now, that was a few years ago. But yeah, the men and women that do that, there’s a different focus. But it’s not really any different than anybody who’s participating in their event at the top of their game. So the men and women who do what I do compared to the men and women who do what you do, you just have a little bit different focus. I mean, really most of the pathway is the same. And that starts with finding a goal, delineating pathways and then assessing your risks along the way, what’s going to keep you from getting there.

And if you can train to avoid or mitigate the risks that are going to prevent you from accomplishing your goal, then you’re going to be in a pretty good spot. And there’s risk, we can go down a rabbit hole on risk analysis and risk mitigation and all that stuff because you can always think of something that’s going to get in the way. But really, you’ve got to look at probably your top five things that are going to get in your way. And whether that’s internal to you or external through your environment or whatever.

It’s just something, analyze it, check in every couple of months, year, whatever’s relevant in your profession and see if those risks are still the same and start training. It doesn’t mean that every day you have to get up at the same time and do x amount of sit-ups and pushups and all that, unless that’s something that you’re going to come back to specific risks for. So if the risks change, then the performance has to change and the training has to change so that we can be optimal whenever we get to game day.

Amy: Yeah, game day. And really game day I kind of look at like for my performers is that day of the audition, the day of the show, you all, whatever it is. Where it really is stuff that they’ve been working, they’ve been training, they’re trying to not only manage their mindset, but really kind of manage their stamina. Anybody who’s done a performance tech week knows that you start on a Monday and you usually play through Sunday. And you are singing, if you have 20 songs in a show and you sing that seven times a week, it’s a lot. It ends up being a lot.

So that overall stamina, that overall training is so important, so I push that, just the overall concept of just being prepared, being ready as much as you can all the time. What inspires you to be so consistent, so constant and really, truly be so disciplined in the way that I get to see you? Not everybody knows you personally the way that I do. So hearing your resumé, hearing some of the things that you’ve done in your life. What encourages you or wakes you up in the morning or drags your beautiful body out of bed and gets you going?

Ted: I think that it is experience, first of all. The results are going to speak for themselves. And the more we get the results that we anticipate and desire then the more we’re going to stick to the program or the pathway that brought us to those results or made those results attainable. So I’ve seen you during your tech weeks and I’ve seen you during performances and the repeated shows and things like that. And I know how, at least I can observe how taxing it is, both physically and mentally.

And it’s not any different than the things that we do. Like I said, it’s a different focus. It’s not a different level of effort or level of participation. But I think that like I said, I’ve been doing what I’m doing for 25 years. And so I’ve gotten to see a lot of success. And I’ve gotten to see a whole bunch of failures, both mine and teammates and other teams and things like that where I’ve learned from that stuff and learned what a lack of preparation can do. And how dangerous that is to be ill prepared for the thing that you’re training for, especially when the focus of that thing can be some pretty dangerous stuff.

Amy: I mean, and it's definitely dangerous for us. When we’re on the stage and we are singing songs, and it is the danger zone, highway to that danger zone.

Ted: Oh, I love that.

Amy: Yeah, go ahead sing it. We’re going to save you all, actually, we’re going to keep moving.

Ted: Don’t sing it.

Amy: Don’t sing it, we don’t have the rights for that. So with this I really kind of want to talk about some of your best advice. What’s been some of the greatest advice to kind of get over the mind clutter of the feelings that come along with, well, I want to lose weight or I want to train every day, but I just get so overwhelmed or my time management is weird? Or is there anything that your, again your mind says, there’s that experience level, there’s those goals, just what you want to do. What does your mind say around feelings?

Ted: Well, is this a clean podcast?

Amy: Yes.

Ted: Okay, well then I can’t tell you what my mind says about feelings. I think that there’s a lot of opportunity for perspective shifting when it comes to feelings. Legitimate feelings are necessary, but feelings come from an emotional part of the brain that is not always the healthiest to let drive the car. So I like more of the stoic style where it’s a little bit more intentional and probably the cost or the trade-off is probably a little bit more robotic. It’s a little bit less highs and lows and a little bit more consistency, which I will admit is not always the healthiest.

And certainly for an artist, I’m not an artist, but I would imagine that for an artist, delving into the feelings and the passion and things like that, there’s probably more room for that in your area of expertise. Though I think that when it comes to feelings as compared to motivation for action. So if your feelings are that this is overwhelming or that I’m prepared or that this is too big for me or I’m not the right person, whatever it is. I’ve got to be real careful with what I’m saying here to keep this clean.

Then don’t listen to it, you know what I mean? Take some other action and be bigger than that. Step back and let your cognitive brain take over and say, “I understand that I’m feeling this but everybody feels this way.” Even if they don’t present like they feel this way, we’ve all had these feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome and things like that. The way to get around it is, take action, don’t just sit there.

Just say, “You know what? I’m going to do it. I’m going to be uncomfortable. I’m going to be vulnerable. I’m going to be the guy that can’t run on the treadmill, but I’m going to go to the gym anyway, and I’m going to walk on the treadmill until I can pick up my pace little by little bit by little bit until I can run on that thing.”

Amy: On that thing, that running thing. Well, I’m glad. Thank you so much for censoring your naughty mouth.

Ted: No problem.

Amy: So really, truly thank you, I do appreciate your adjustment. So I watched this thing with Leila Hormozi today. And she was talking about the way to control her emotions is by controlling her behavior and her emotions follow. Where it’s that mindset that she’s like, I’m not going to just lean into the emotions. I’m not just going to let the emotions like you said, drive the car. I’m going to let my behavior. Hey, I’m going to hit the gym at the same time every day. And her emotions tend to follow that behavior as, hey, I’m happy I’m here. I’m not regretting this workout, all that kind of stuff so yeah.

Ted: Yeah, I think that discipline is a choice. Motivation is more of an emotion or a feeling. And you can listen to people who have a lot more experience about that stuff talk about that till the ends of the Earth. But the fact of the matter is that if you can have the mental strength to say, “I’m going to do a thing I’m uncomfortable with and it’s okay that I’m not good at it.” Then that’s really a superpower. And then you can then take that and become good at a thing. And one of the things that kind of really helped me was public speaking.

Like I said earlier on, I’m introverted. I really don’t care for public speaking. I don’t like getting up in front of people and things like that. But I’ve found out that that’s my job, you know what I mean? You can’t be afraid of public speaking and stand in front of a SWAT team and say, “This is what we’re doing and this is why we’re doing it and go forth and conquer.” You can’t be the meek guy. You can’t be the guy that doesn’t want to participate.

So where I’m going with that is that it took me a while to wrap my mind around is that people don’t necessarily want to see failure. They don’t want to see somebody step up in front of them and flub their words or anything like that. They’re not waiting to see what bad you do or how poorly you do. What they’re waiting to see is the goodness that comes from you. And that if you can get up there and understand that it’s okay, it’s okay to trip up. It’s okay to not have the perfect words or whatever as long as your intention is pure and ultimately you have something to say.

Nobody wants to just watch somebody that talks around in circles. But if you have something worthwhile to say, and you’re informed on your topic and things like that, then people are going to listen. And it took me a while to get through that. I knew that I would give people the time of day when they were up and talking but for me, I was scared to get up there, even though I had something to say. And really just kind of, again I go back in my own head to that was one of the things in my mind as a catalyst to it, I guess, that where it was something that was at first uncomfortable.

And then I said, “You know what? I’m going to get up there and I’m going to talk because I’ve got a thing to say or because I have a job to do and people are counting on me.” And by doing it over and over, kind of like your friend was saying, by enforcing that behavior and really emphasizing that behavior, I should say, then I kind of got over it. And even though it’s not my natural tendency, it’s a skill that I’ve learned and I’m able to get up there and talk without too much trepidation.

So anyway, like I said there’s lots of examples of that and lots of people do it a lot better than I do. But the point is, if you’re okay being uncomfortable, then you can overcome pretty much anything.

Amy: Yeah. And to your point, I really kind of encourage each one of the artists that I work with, that being afraid and doing it anyway, that that’s what builds you. That’s what makes you. That’s what shapes you. But also I always encourage them to expect it to be hard. That if it was easy, everybody would be doing it. Everyone would show up to do the thing that you have these big dreams to do, and that there’s so much power in that.

And I looked at it and I kind of shared this analogy with an artist the other day. That feeling, I kind of looked at it like a waterfall. And it can rain down on you and it can be super heavy in some spots and it can be like, hey, there’s a moment of relief here if you step to the right or if you breathe a little deeper or just kind of change your positioning. And really, it’s that mental positioning on how you’re feeling. I’m doing a hard thing. I’m showing up for myself. My dreams are worth it.

That’s one thing I always say on the podcast is that people’s dreams are absolutely worth it, if not, they just die inside them. And the world needs people to show up in good ways on the constant, on the regular. And that is, I think, such a big deal, just in the work and performance and showing up and being really, truly being a confident performer. So as far as one of the best habits you think that you have, that feeds you, fuels your life and makes you stronger and better, what is it?

Ted: Real quick before I answer that. I think that if anybody can, I was forming a thought as you were talking.

Amy: Yeah, well, this better be freaking good. You’d better go back in time, Ted King and rip this up into a really good flower and fruition of goodness.

Ted: Yeah, I think that if anybody can be willing to do more work than they really think is fair, take on more than they think is fair. And what that looks like is, I wasn’t given this exact opportunity or maybe this was somebody else’s responsibility or maybe I’m just kind of throwing this out there in a performance or something like that. This other person was supposed to do this, but they’re not performing so I’m going to step in and take over that responsibility as well.

If you can adopt that mindset and you can adopt a little bit of a chip on your shoulder like I don’t care what people say, I’m going to be good enough. And then you tie that into that ability to be vulnerable. I think that kind of goes to your question, anything that you do that can enhance that or emphasize those abilities. I think that those are going to be the habits, those are going to be the behaviors, those are going to be the mindsets that really get people from point A to point whatever it is that they’re that they’re going.

As far as for me personally, the habits that I really try to emphasize on my day-to-day, I get up early and I work out. I try to get a workout first of all because that’s something that is an investment, it’s an investment of myself. I’m not always killing myself. I’m not always, I don’t know. I don’t always have super pre planned what I’m going to do, but I’m going to get up and do something.

Amy: Yeah, but you’re super strong and tough though so people see you.

Ted: Well, there is that.

Amy: People see you, they get, well dang, he’s super strong and tough. So I have to share this, though. We do a mentoring project together and it’s actually really cool. Ted is one of our civic artists on this grant that we were given from CalArts. And it’s very, very cool. You came in, you got to speak with the kids. You got to share a little bit on some social justice things. And it’s always so fun because one of the first questions is, how much can you bench press or how often do you work out or do you ever eat bad food? And it’s funny, because I know you. I know your habits and stuff like that.

And I know you’re an adventure worker outer. I know you’re an adventure eater. I know you live your life, you’re not one of the people that lives in crazy deprivation mode. I personally feel you have a great balance to a lot of it. So I think it’s just such a fun, fun thing to watch. So you get your workout in and that’s a must. What else? What is something that you know, this is going to make me better, I’m showing up, I’m signing on for this every day?

Ted: Yeah. So I usually do a cardio based workout to begin the day. And that just makes me feel good as I am waking up and getting to my meetings and things like that. I’m a big fan of the Huberman podcast, and so I try to adopt a little bit of that routine by not having coffee first thing, getting some sunlight in my eyes, making sure I have the adequate amount of sleep and things like that. Anyway, so I’ll get into my workout and I kind of geek out on that a little bit with the zones, zone two, zone four, all that kind of cardio stuff.

But then I’ll get to my day and I get into the office. I start all of my days with a command staff check-in for our agency. And we get to catch up and see what everybody’s doing for the day. what all the divisions are doing. And then from there it’s going about interacting with my assigned folks. I like to say my people, they’re not, obviously actually my people, but they’re the people that I work with and they’re the people that actually do all of the work. I just get to essentially watch what they do and make some decisions and sign the purchase request every once in a while.

But I’m lucky because where I work at our particular police department, all of our folks are hand selected to be part of our training division. And so they’re really folks that have set themselves above some of their peers. And while we have a lot of great people that work all over the place, the people that I work with are super cool. They’re really engaged in wellness. They’re really engaged in training. They’re really engaged in the overall philosophy and the vision of the police department.

They’re engaged in taking what the community expects of the police department and building processes that are going to make our officers that, as opposed to just the officers saying, “This is what you get.” So anyway, where that comes into your question is that developing just this emphasis on the type of person that I want to be and how I want to interact with those people. And how I want those people to interact with trainees or with the community or with subject matter experts that are coming in to provide training or whatever the topic is. We want to be cool people, you know what I mean?

And not super cool, wearing sunglasses all the time, but super cool in the sense that we’re approachable and we’re down to Earth. And if we don’t know a thing, we say we don’t know a thing and we let people teach us. And we teach people that need to be taught. And so I think that those are kind of two of the main emphasis that I’ve got.

Get up, get something done and that way, if the rest of the day goes astray, then I’ve still done something for myself. I don’t feel like a complete lop if I get home at the end of the day and I don’t feel like doing anything else. I do try to get two workouts in. I will try to get something else in, in the late afternoon that’s more of a resistance training type thing.

Amy: Do you hear that, folks? He said he gets two workouts a day.

Ted: But if I can’t get to that second one, I know I’ve already done the first one. So if I wake up and I don’t get the first one then I’ve got some anxiety. I’ve got to get something done. You know what I mean?

Amy: You’ve got to get your life together.

Ted: I’ve got to get my life together and I’ve got to get it done by 5:00 or 5:30 or whatever, before the non-work life, the kids and the family and everything else take over.

Amy: Before you embarrass your entire family with your only one workout a day.

Ted: Yeah. No. But for me, working in the emergency business, you don’t know when the emergency is coming. And you’ve been there. I mean we’ve been together forever, you know that that phone call comes at the most inopportune time. And we can be planning Christmas parties, but instead of going to the Christmas party, there’s an active shooter.

Amy: So many years, I know, exactly.

Ted:, And so I say, ”Well, I’m not going to your Christmas party. I’m going over here.”

Amy: Yeah, I know, I remember there were a couple parties, the same party, different years at Christmas time and thank goodness my friends are loving and understanding. And it’s so funny because I would just show up and yes, we are RSVP’d for two. But there happens to be an active shooter at the hospital, so I am showing up by myself to this party and yeah, no, I mean that’s always…

Ted: Yeah, two years in a row, same Christmas party two years in a row.

Amy: I know, and I wonder if my friend thought, sure, sure, she just didn’t want to come to our party. Nice one, Ted. Thank goodness the news covers it too, but I always admire that. And when I think, when you reference the people in training, for example, that there are some of those people that end up standing out and kind of setting themselves apart. And those are people that you are hand selecting. What are some of those qualities that you see in those people? And you said a little bit, you kind of shared a little bit.

But what are some of the qualities that you know as a person that you strongly value that really stand out? Because when I talk to these performers and really what I’m coaching through is, being able to set yourself aside from the pack. And outside of the pack in the sense where, yes, you want to obviously operate at top level, but you just want to make that mark where you’re unforgettable. And not unforgettable in the bad American Idol bad auditions way. But unforgettable like, how could we not hire that person or cast that person? And what are some of those qualities that you kind of look for?

Ted: Well, I think the first quality that I look for, whether it’s in training or special operations or anything like that is work ethic. So work ethic is something they have to have. And then their character is something that we’ll assess. So you can have some great people that have some poor work ethics and they’re great, they’re fun to talk to and fun to hang out with on their terms. But as far as relying on them, they’re probably not the most reliable. So having the people that will do the work and like I said earlier, that are willing to take on more than their fair share of the work, those are the people I want.

And then I want the people that have solid character and solid skills on top of that. But the way that I look at it is, I can give you a class to build your skills. So if you’re not good at a thing, that’s okay, just show me that you’ve got solid character and that your work ethic is good. And then beyond that, the skills that I’m looking for are communication, first of all. I need somebody who’s got, and we talked about it yesterday with the students at the school, the emotional intelligence. Some people believe in that and some people think it’s a crock, but I happen to be a believer.

And I think that if you know your own condition, and you can assess the person you’re communicating with, condition. And then you can accurately figure out how best to communicate given both of those platforms. Then you’re probably going to communicate pretty well. And if you can combine that skill with dedication, a work ethic and a solid character, then you’re probably going to be somebody who I want on my team. And then we get a little bit more granular from there when it comes to picking people for the role.

If I need somebody to lead an academy class in terms of, picture a drill sergeant or a drill instructor in the military. If I need a recruit training officer, I’m also going to want somebody who’s physically fit. I want somebody who those new trainees that want to be cops can look at and say, “That’s the cop. That is the example of the cop that I want to model myself after.” I want them to be physically fit. I want them to be confident. I want them to understand how to put their uniform together and shine their boots and iron their clothes and things like that because there’s an element of that, it’s important at that level.

Now, when it comes to who’s working with subject matter experts, to bring their expertise into the department to provide training to seasoned cops. I don’t need that person to be as physically fit. I need them to understand what the need is, how we’re going to measure success. And how we’re addressing the data or the trends that we’ve encountered already that have said that we are weak in this part or we need to enhance this part or our maintenance is falling on this particular skill. So I don’t need somebody who’s physically fit. I need somebody who can understand data.

So I say all that to say this, that there’s some foundational stuff at the nucleus. But then there are those outer rings. It really just depends on what the role is. So I would imagine that that’s similar with performance in the sense that I’ve seen lots of actors that don’t look very similar, and they’re getting some good work because they can represent a person or they can represent a feeling. Or they can represent a character that is different than another character. And so we’re looking for different things.

Amy: Yeah, and all of that, I mean, it really, truly is transferable. When you think about that, it’s so funny because as you’re explaining, I think of it as one whole show where you do have your person, yeah, they’re your comedic relief. They don’t necessarily have to be the person that’s in tip top physical shape. And I kind of look at it in my brain, just kind of, you’re going to have your, even breaking down Beauty and the Beast, for example. You’re going to have your Gastons, you’re going to have your LeFous, you’re going to have your Belles. You’re going to have your Mrs. Potts.

And really collectively coming together as an entire piece and really working cohesively, understanding. I referenced before in another podcast, knowing your type in this industry. It’s so important that you know your type. If you know exactly what you are capable of doing and what your role is and really the power that you bring in your type. You have people who think that Seth Rogen is the sexiest guy that there ever was.

Ted: Well, I kind of think so.

Amy: You don’t.

Ted: Because he reminds me of my best friend, Brent Stratton.

Amy: Yeah, he kind of does.

Ted: But Brent’s way more fit and cool and funny.

Amy: Yeah. Brent’s super fit, yeah, and he’s very cool and he’s very funny. And they have a podcast too and their podcast is Date Night Conversations.

Ted: Brent has a billion podcasts. He does CATO training and CATO News. And he’s working with South High with stuff for our local police department. Anyway, we can go down a rabbit hole, but that dude’s a hero that I get to work with. He’s super cool.

Amy: Yeah, he’s really awesome. Yeah, and his lady is super awesome. So again, their podcast, I do listen to that Date Night Conversations is cute and sweet and fun.

Ted: And I listen to that crap.

Amy: Yeah, you do listen to that crap. You’re going to start today. Today’s the day you listen to every episode of The Confident Performer and Date Night Conversations, but The Confident Performer first.

Ted: No.

Amy: Yes. So I see you all the time reading all the books. Why do you read so many books? And this is for our listeners because it is so important and in my opinion it’s impressive. But why do you read so many books?

Ted: Because I’m a big Stephen King fan.

Amy: That’s a very great answer.

Ted: You know that I am a big Stephen King fan. I really do like Stephen King books. So reading is something that I did not initially care for when I was younger, when I was in high school and then through college. I didn’t really care for the reading and things like that. However, I’ve found that it is the absolute lowest bar to entry for anything you want to do. If you want to learn about anything in the world, there is a book about it. There’s an article about it. There is something about it that you can go find out.

And so that for me, a lot of times was the first step in developing an interest, kind of fueling the flames of that interest, building a passion for a thing and then really how you build the skills to fuel that passion. So whether it was something like working out or shooting or leadership, any of that stuff. There are so many smart people out there that do a great job of explaining how to do things or how to look at things or giving you different perspectives. And it’s really super cool.

And then I nerd out on a lot of that leadership stuff, the Simon Sineks and the Daniel Pinks and folks like that. I really like that stuff. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel good and you’re like, “Yeah, that’s exactly the way it should be.” And then when you’re like, “Well, I’m the guy that should make it that way.” Then it’s something where there’s this kind of reverse perspective where you start looking at yourself, am I doing the thing that I’m doing? And a lot of times, am I doing the thing I should be doing? I’m obviously doing the thing I’m doing.

Amy: I know you’re doing it. I can see you’re doing it.

Ted: Right. And so anyway it’s just, I think that reading, the more options you get, the more things that you can pick up from different people then the more prepared you’re going to be. Or at least the more tools in the toolbelt or however you want to say it, is the way to go. But I do find that I am a big fan of fiction writing as well. So I’ll read nonfiction and business stuff. But I also really enjoy fiction because I think that it really emphasizes the values in our society that we hold in esteem.

So the general story of the hero, where they encounter a thing that they’re not prepared for and they experience some sort of failure. but then they go on a journey of self-awareness and improvement and then they come back and they face that thing again. And now they overcome it and then after that, life is better. So that’s kind of the general theme of most stories. And I think that there’s a lot of value in that.

And I think that there’s a lot of value for real life when you’re identifying with a character and a story and you’re realizing that that character is using this value with that value to get through a thing. And you can really overcome a lot of adversity by identifying with that stuff and not just that character, but how you do it. Is it important to have some dedication? Is it important to say, “I might get a little bit hurt, but it’s not going to kill me?” Or is it important to say, “This thing is so freaking important that I’m okay with it killing me?”

And like I said, that’s probably a little extreme, but a lot of the men and women that I get the honor of working with, they absolutely would lay their life down for other people. And so finding ways to emphasize those values is essential to the job that we’re doing and some of the training that we bring in and things like that. And so like I say, going back to the book side of it. I really like that thing and it’s honorable. And it helps, I think, solidify the decision making and some of the characteristics and things like that of our men and women that we have.

And it’s not just unique to law enforcement by any means. It can be with anybody. Most people that I have close contact with on the daily had that before they came. They didn’t just develop that now. They were super cool people that were ready to dedicate themselves to a bigger cause before they signed up. The ones that weren’t, generally don’t make it. So anyway, yeah.

Amy: Yeah, I like that. And then you do a lot of crossword puzzles too.

Ted: Yeah, I like crossword puzzles too.

Amy: Why do you do that?

Ted: Well, I do crossword puzzles because I was in a band. It’s not really the reason, but I was in a band and I do crossword puzzles.

Amy: Those things are both correct.

Ted: I do like saying to you, and you’ve heard me talk about this, but I love nerds because I was a nerd. And I probably still am a nerd.

Amy: I actually think you are still a nerd.

Ted: And that’s fine. As you become an adult, you embrace it. But there is an element to that where it’s, I think, super cool. Because I guarantee you you’ve got performers that are listening to this that are in high school or they’re in an entry level position where they’re feeling like I don’t really fit in. And I’m doing these things to either stand out or to not be seen or whatever else.

But down the road, if you’re okay chasing the butterflies, if you’re okay, that feeling that gives you butterflies, you’re okay stepping into that. And you build yourself a routine that helps you balance that and helps you accomplish your goals through that. It’s okay, you’re going to make it. And it’s okay if you were nerdy or you were not cool or whatever. I’m nerdy now and I love it. And when you become an adult you can lean into it. And it’s funny because the irony is, the more you lean into it, the more people think you’re cool.

Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that’s what’s so endearing. I ran into someone a couple of months ago. And I said something about you laughing and you joking. And someone’s like, “He laughs and jokes?” And I was like, “Oh my goodness all the time, just a joke a minute.” And they’re like, “I don’t even think we have ever heard him talk.” And I forget that you are a certain way with me, obviously at home and in your comfort zone completely. And that you are at work a lot of times and because you are truly an introverted person, you’re not the same all the time. And I actually think that’s so cute and so funny.

Ted: Well, I’m hilarious.

Amy: You are hilarious, you really are. And honestly, so I’m going to have you on a lot more so we can talk about just a lot.

Ted: I’m busy.

Ted: No, you’re not busy. You can’t go in the other room, get in here. No, one of these concepts though, I really liked again, like I was talking about Leila Hormozi today. Her husband is Alex Hormozi, very, very successful and super big YouTube following and big on the YouTubes. But one of the things I admire about them as a couple, I think they’re similar or I guess maybe we’re similar to them or they’re similar to us. I don’t know. We’re probably old enough to be their grandparents.

But she referenced that she loves having a strong partner that she’s able to grow with together. So something that you put a strong emphasis on growing independently, but together. And when you think of that, and I love it, we can even just add this in now because I think it’s super important. Your habits in your life are one thing, waking up, finding that time to work out, finding that time to give yourself that jump or the leg up on the day. And really kind of connecting to what your purpose is through the day staying focused, but then also having a partner that supports that.

How important do you think that is? What is your emphasis that you place on that?

Ted: I think that’s really a great point. There is a lot of value in partnership. You can always accomplish more than some of the parts. We’ve all heard that saying. I don’t need your support in everything and you don’t need my support in everything. There are certain things that we need support in. I mean, we certainly don’t need to work counter to each other. But the way I envision it is, that you walk your own road and I walk my own road. And when those roads line up, it’s when we hang out.

And that every once in a while, I mean, obviously I like going to watch you perform and things like that. So I mean, there’s support in that sense, I suppose. But I love that you’re a badass lady that does what you do. And you don’t need me to be there, “It’s okay, this is this and this is that.” And there’s not a lot of that. And I don’t need a lot of that as well. So like I said, I’m not saying that you can never have that. There are times that both of us need that.

And there are times that the harder that you work and the more you extend yourself, that sometimes it comes crashing down. And you’re like, “Man, I really screwed up or I really didn’t feel adequate on this”, or whatever. And we need our partners, just encouragement and support and we need them to put us back up on that horse so that we can keep going. But at the same time, I don’t need you to make me happy. You really can’t make me happy. You can do things that I’m happy about. But I make myself happy.

And I know that you and I have talked about this. So I’m not saying anything you don’t know. But for the listeners, that is something that we’ve talked about. And we’ve really kind of worked our way to where we have a kind of a good balance at this point where at the beginning of any relationship, there’s some feeling out and expectations and things like that. But I think that we’ve worked through to a certain point where you’re pretty independent and I’m pretty independent and that just works for us. And we can be great on our own, but we can be even better together.

And there are times for both. And there’s certain things that come to mind like in the past, when you’ve talked about stuff that you would talk about with your girls, your girlfriends. I’m like, “No, that’s girl stuff. I don’t want to hear about it.” And I don’t really talk about the guy stuff, and it’s not a thing of hiding. I’m not interested in talking about the crap. Go find a girlfriend to talk to for hours and hours about some stuff that I don’t care about. And I’ll talk to dudes about things that we talk about, and like I said, there’s always a little bit of give and take.

Amy: No. But I think that’s important. And it’s funny because I have even said that to some people. And I’ll start a sentence and then he will say, “Is this something you should be sharing with me or is this something you would be sharing with your girlfriends?” And let me evaluate this, is he going to want to listen to this 10 to 15 minute story about how this one girl did this thing and then this happened?

Ted: Yeah, 10 to 15 minutes is the intro to the story.

Amy: Your attitude is bad and incorrect.

Ted: But the thing is, if the expectation is a certain thing, and I’m not going to be able to provide that expectation, it wasn’t really thought about ahead of time. Then it’s really an effort that is going to be better served somewhere else.

Amy: Right. But I have grasped that and that’s so fun, even the kind of learning that is growing independently together. And having, again having someone that actively supports your habits. People who are in a situation that’s potentially co-dependent, if their partner’s working out twice a day and they’re like, “I don’t want you to work out twice a day. I want you to hang out with me.” How does that serve someone?

Ted: It absolutely doesn’t.

Amy: No. And so I mean from that angle it’s kind of why I really want to encourage people that if you know I have a focus, I have a goal, I have a plan and you have a partner that actively supports that. Even when you say, “Go and be your badass lady self.” And there are times that I don’t even necessarily, not that I don’t ever want you there all the time. But there are times that I’m just working so hard that I can’t even focus on the matter of you being there. So it doesn’t even make sense for you to be there.

Ted: Yeah. And those are the times that I don’t want to get in your way. You know what I mean? I don’t want to detract from you or get in your way or anything like that. But I think that what it comes down to for your listeners is understanding your resources. Because obviously you’re my greatest resource when it comes to support and being able to interact on multiple levels of what I may or may not need or whatever.

But the point is, if you’re relying on a resource to do a thing, it’s not prepared to do it or it's ill equipped or it’s not optimally equipped then. Don’t laugh at me. You make me feel like a band nerd but I am.

Amy: But you’re my band nerd.

Ted: But I am a band nerd and I play tuba. And I loved it. 

Amy: Stop whispering.

Ted: Anyway, the point is, if you’re relying on resources that are ill prepared for the thing that you’re relying on them for then you’re setting yourself up for failure. So find the resources that are going to give you the result that you want and rely on them for that. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket and think this man’s going to take care of me or this woman’s going to take care of me or whatever. That’s BS. We do it for ourselves.

Amy: Yeah, save yourself.

Ted: If you have a little bit of chip on your shoulder, a good work ethic, and be willing to do more than your fair share, you’re going to be successful AF.

Amy: Yes. And I love thinking about it like that because it is that same angle that if you do, you have a partner that is also willing to do that, also willing to just stay plugged in, keep doing the work, stay consistent, stay constant. But then still able to kind of be humble and kind of back off sometimes where it’s like, “I totally messed that up or you know what? I forgot to put any of those dates in the calendar.”

Ted: She’s literally telling me that for the first time right now. She never puts anything in the calendar. So everything is a surprise including this podcast was a surprise.

Amy: It really was. It really was. And you know what? I’m just so glad he just goes with the flow because he’s a sweet little angel.

Ted: Right. Go on, 10 or 15 more minutes of that and we’ll call it good.

Amy: No, but truly, and I encourage every single one of, again all my performers, any listeners, because I actually know I’ve gotten some feedback from people who are not performers who are listening to this podcast. This information is for everyone. And it is one of those things that my favorite thing and I’ve manifested you. And your friends will kind of give me a hard time sometimes. And they’re like, “No, you do, you do your manifestation stuff and it works, it just always works.” And you were one of those manifestations and it’s been, you know.

Ted: This is funny because you know I don’t believe in that crap. I think you manifest your results through your hard work. But I say all that, I’m not so obtuse that I wouldn’t think that maybe there’s some reality in there. But having positive goals, having a positive mindset and putting your work down in the right path is absolutely going to reach the goals that you want. So I mean, we’re probably saying a lot of the same stuff.

Amy: I think it’s a positive focus. It all is the same thing. And that’s the thing too, is that there is that foundation of what some people are saying, the universe, some people are saying God, some people are saying connection, some people are saying the sun or the Earth or whatever. And those are the things that we’re all kind of speaking that same language. There’s all that 's bigger than us. There is that greater purpose, plugging into that.

But no, that’s what I love, that we’ve been able to kind of tap into that and make our way successfully and continue to not only grow independently together, but also continue to build together and that’s been pretty fun.

Ted: Yeah, absolutely. No, it’s been fun. That was your word.

Amy: I’m going to street fight you.

Ted: You’re not going to street fight me, you’d lose. Just kidding, we would never fight like that. But we’d Nerf guns, and she’d lose that too.

Amy: Yeah, but I’d be dangerous if I did that.

Ted: But if we had a singing competition, if we karaoke battled, you would beat my socks off if I was wearing socks.

Amy: Don’t wear socks.

Ted: I’m not.

Amy: But okay, if you’re going to give your final, final for, hey, focus on good habits, focus on blah, blah, blah, what is it? What do you say? What do you say, Mr. King?

Ted: Well, I mean I don’t know that it’s a final, final but I would say invest in yourself. Invest in yourself. And if you’re not good at a thing, just start doing whatever it is, crawl, walk, run. So if you’re not good at the thing now, learn about it. Start down the path, see if it works for you, and if it does, great, dedicate yourself to it. If it doesn’t, screw it, go do something different. And I say that, at some point you’re going to have to find something if you want to be of value to somebody.

And anybody who’s a performer wants to be of value to somebody because they are looking to perform in a thing. So I would just say that, be a value to people, be a value yourself, invest in yourself. Whether that’s a low bar to entry, like reading a book, or if it’s something a little bit more process driven like developing procedures or developing a habit or a routine for yourself. I think that all that stuff is super healthy. And I find for myself, I realize everybody works differently, but for myself, having that routine makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished things.

And that feeling of accomplishment, works to keep the habit going. So as the chemicals in my brain say, “Ted, you’ve accomplished a thing today. So now you’re able to go do it.” I feel regardless of how the doing goes, I know that I’ve still done something for myself. I know that I’ve still accomplished a thing. I still feel good about myself. And I know that when I go to sleep at night and I wake up tomorrow and I get to do it all over again that the first thing I’m going to do is going to be a success because I’m going to make it a success, not because it’s easy but because I’m going to dedicate myself to doing it.

Amy: I love that. That’s so, so good. Well, thank you so much and obviously this is not going to be your first time or your last.

Ted: Well, it was my first time.

Amy: I guess that’s what I meant to say. We have finished each other’s sentences.

Ted: Words.

Amy: Words.

Ted: I meant sentences.

Amy: Yeah, so cool, so slick, such a nerd. But you’re my nerd and I’m happy you’re my nerd. Thank you so much, I really, truly appreciate it.

Ted: You literally made me do this but I’m happy to.

Amy: Yeah, we’ll see pictures of you and we’ll see that I’m much stronger than you, so of course it makes sense that I would just literally make you do it.

Ted: Well, it wasn’t your muscles you held over my head or was it?

Amy: Well, well, well, well, so on that note, thank you so much, my performers. Take care and be well.

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